filled my free hours at work responding to email.  People pour their lives out in these things and hit the "send" button and away they go to be read (eventually) by me.  It can't be easy for them.  They have to wait for me.  Most of my day is spent with people–one-on-one, face-to-face.  When I walk out of here I go home to my Handsome, the husband.  He knew very well what he was getting in to when he chose me.  It can't be easy for him.  My life is full of people though it wasn't always that way. There was a time that I was the one waiting.  I felt so lonely and so needy.  Now I yearn for the waiting.  I yearn for gaps that are not filled…where I can linger and, eventually, drag my heart to Jesus and just BE.  A friend wrote:

I will rest inside of Your will
Though I can't see the end of it still
You provide as You guide.  I will rest.

I will ask for all that I need
Then I'll trust wherever You lead
You provide as You guide.  I will rest.

While I calm my heart to hear
Hold me closely draw me near
Reassure me.  Hold me long.
Guard my heart from every wrong.

I wrote the above yesterday but I want to continue today with the thought I had while reading yesterday's comments.

I couldn't have imagined that my life would have become as full (a good full) as it has.  I once thought I was doomed to emptiness and unfulfilled yearnings.  The big "empty" that was my life was NOT life.  It felt like a slow, slow death.  To have a life right now with people I cherish and a job that gives life away…I just wouldn't have thought I was eligible for such a life!

So, I complain when I forget that the full is good.  As I wait with God and look for those gaps I need to be healthy, I will wait today with gratefulness.  I awoke feeling very under-the-weather.  I've got congestion and a sore throat.  It is still possible this could pass since I rarely get sick enough to miss stuff.  In the meantime, I'll take the gap it created.  I'm at home this morning, trying to gather energy for a luxuriously long, hot shower.  (Phooey on water conservation.)

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3 thoughts on “Waiting

  1. I just now saw this. I hope you get to feeling better very soon, GP. It's good to see you writing some. I would imagine you need plenty of gaps where it's just you and God. Jesus got away often to the solitary place to pray and to just BE with his Father. I don't think He could have tolerated, let alone helped, the incredible need of the throng of people that begged His help and attention daily. I would think it'd be easy to get burn-out in your calling. Hope you find and luxuriate in those times of refreshing, even if it's sometimes only a long, hot shower :-). Has there been thought of doing something else? Or even just a sabbatical from what you are doing now?

  2. Thanks for reading and commenting ladies.Susan, I suppose I have thought of doing something else but I have, in fact, DONE something else. I have a job with lots of variety. It has more variety than most jobs. Sometimes, it is difficult for the reasons I mentioned. Now a sabbatical is a dream that most ministers think about when they've been doing it a while. I dream about what I would give myself to for that season. Would it be writing? Would I work on the guitar bit a little more? Would I become a professional basketball player?

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