When Friends Must Leave

My best friend has decided she needs to move closer to her parents.  I'd love to be the supportive friend but I feel very selfish about it.  She is the closest girlfriend I have.  ALL of my relationships have undergone tremendous change over the last few years.  She is the close one.  What will it be like to have her move out of town? 

Handsome has offered some suggestions.  We will see how things pan out. 

I should be able to retain a best friend once she is out of town.  MY problem with it is that I never have before. 

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12 thoughts on “When Friends Must Leave

  1. I am sorry to hear about that. I know you are a deeply relational person so it will be tough. Speaking from my own experience it's really difficult but it is inevitable. In today's world it is very difficult to have f2f relationships … but … it is also a blessing to have email, social sites and blogs.Well, that's my two cents anyway. I pray you will be given peace and comfort…and reassurance. :).

  2. Last year when my roommate (and best Florida friend) moved away, it was really difficult. I don't know if there's any specific thing I did to help myself, but I know that at the time it was a really huge thing for me to let myself grieve over it. I got some freedom from my paranoia about emotional dependency ( a good thing to be careful about–but not to fear).I also know I took from that friendship a lot of knowledge about the kind of friend I want to be… and just the amazing providence of having that kind of connection at this stage of my life. It gives me hope for all the potential friends out there.

  3. ouch, sorry to hear this. I know you gals have a great relationship, it's going to be tough.
    My best friend moved very far and it was very hard. but like Mike I got some new freedom.
    I too have considered the future of my aging parents and if and when i should move back. There just isn't anything easy about either side of the sitch.

  4. I'm sorry about your closest girl friend moving. It must be very important for her if she's going to do that. We each must do what we deem to be very important to us. I find it is no longer the exact same kind of relationship as you can't go and hang out together and honestly it changes some but that God does bring other people where we live. Itโ€™s nice to have a virtual world but very important to have "live" people to really function in our day-to-day life. I'm thinking of weaning more from the virtual so I can have more of the real. enjoy your time together now. sheโ€™s hasn't left yet!

  5. Darn her! j/k
    Yeah, it's rough. I'm really sorry.
    My closest friend and I don't live in the same city. She and her family move around a lot, and with each move, I have to try to be supportive like you're trying to be, even though I used to feel abandoned with each move. She and her family had each other, but at one time, the four of them were all the friends I had.
    Our friendship has survived, though it's hard, sometimes! I can't just get up and go to her house whenever I want to like I used to, and most of our time together, when we are together, is spent 'catching up', instead of just being together. (But then again, 'cathing up' forces us to talk, which is good for both of us; talking is something we both need to work on. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I can deal with us not being in the same city better now because I've made other friends, other close friends at that. Still, she remains my closest friend, and probably always will. Even though, she's clear accross the ocean right now in Hawaii! Darn her!

  6. Do you ever wonder what's up with the changes in your relationships? I'm not asking you to answer that, but I'm sensing this has not been easy and now especially with your closest friend.
    Maybe Handsome's suggestions will be helpful. (?) Hope so. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Thanks, ya'll for the comments. For some reason, my last to replies haven't posted.
    Onree~, I know you do understand and remember something about your experience, Mike. Thanks for chiming in.
    Missingtennis and Jus Me Again, I'm trying to be a trooper but mostly I am sitting firmly on my pitypot!
    Susan, I have wondered what is up with the friendship thing; however, there are some things about me that have not changed. I am a firm believer that God is the inventor of our relational need AND that He puts us in community to nurture life. I also believe that longevity of friendship is difficult in this "connected" but not too relational world. I take into account my advanced age (teeheehee) and the fact that I married as an old woman AND that my friends is also a middle-aged woman and has aging parents…AND that I have an aging and disabled mother…and I "get it" but don't like it.
    The church thing is making it harder. I really, really, really love he Church! I even like the routine and the "religious" parts of it. The Church was meant to be a relationship and a picture to the whole world about God's relationship to us. Being disconnected from the larger Body of Christ is troublesome and lonely for me.

  8. You have been so blessed for so long having her around on a regular basis. I think you have had a VERY successful relationship and it will carry for years to come, separated by distance or not!
    I do not have a best friend. I used to have many but I keep everyone at arm's length, to a point, now days.
    I still call one my BEST friend, and I haven't seen her in 16+ years. We email and exchange cards/pics.
    I have one I call my BEST friend, and she is the one person I would trust the most with anything. She, on the other hand has a life full of many that surround her more regularly than I. I love her dearly.
    Another BEST friend is someone in Texas. We are relational and caring and pick up right where we left off.
    Another lives in Kenya. Another Bountiful, UT. Midland, TX… Another in this town. Etc. We talk often, more than a few times a day, but I'm not her best. I think that is the problem. I'm not the BEST in anyone else's life.
    I can't even define BEST anymore. It is distorted with me.
    I'm sorry she is moving away. HOWEVER, some of my BEST relationships are truly people that pass through once a year or twice at most. I know their time is limited when home from the mission field (or when visiting this city – their previous home) and the fact they CHOOSE to get together with me is meaningful and cherished by me.

  9. Interesting that you say you keep everyone at arm's length…I am tempted to do so. Tonight I confessed to her that I felt pretty "mad" about her decision to leave and that I wasn't quite able to get to the stage of happy planning with her about wall colors, valances…

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